Sugar Skin
by Cat In My Fridge
Summary: Zell and Rinoa share a room during the Balamb Mission. Rinoa is moping over Squall. Zell is, well, Zell. ZellxRinoa pairing, Zell and Rinoa character studies, twisted humor and eventual lemon. Read if you dare! Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: ** Okay, it's come this far. A yaoi author is writing a het story. Not just any het story, but a _Zell/Rinoa_ het story! To say that said author had gone bonkers could be considered a blatant understatement, however, the author does have a (somewhat) logical explanation for why she suddenly decided to churn out such a strange pairing: she hasn't given either Rinoa or Zell nearly the attention they deserve in her other stories. This story isn't just a pairing fic, it is also a character study, a character study she hasn't given to either Zell or Rinoa in the past and thus would like to do so with this strange little story. This fic is also another attempt at humour, as the second chapter will contain quite a bit of more or less funny scenes (maybe thy aren't funny at all because, after all, we already established that this author is nuts – she would therefore like to kindly ask her dear readers to find out for themselves.)

The author is apologizing for having gone crazy and promises to swiftly return to her usual stories. This little crazy piece will, after all, only be three chapters long.

The main reason for the author to post this little piece was the fact that the first two chapters had been sitting on her pooter for many months, and she eventually figured that _some_ little soul _might _actually like it a little. Also, it's contains the first het sex scene she ever wrote, so she's a little proud. (after all, everybody should be allowed to have their own little illusions! Her illusion's just that she can write het sex scene! So what, rather harmless compared to other people whose illusions are that they can fly or that they can have pacts with tyrannical communist leaders and expect to live in peace or... okay, I'll stop now.)

**Disclaimer**: The demented author doesn't own FFVIII or Zell or Rinoa.

**Pairing: **Zell/Rinoa. Sorry. Really sorry.

**Timeline:** Set during the Balamb Town mission on the 2nd disc.

**Rating**: Will be heavily M-rated. Yes, folks, there is a sex scene coming for us in the 2nd chapter... yes, yes... The author will make sure to give you the link to the naughty version then.

**(Eventual) Warnings: ** underage drinking, sex, language. Her hentai demon demon was riding the author hard. The author doesn't really think it can only be seen as a PWP, though.

**Feedback & Distribution: **The author would welcome reviews very, very, **_very_** much, but doesn't like flames from people whose sole reason for flaming is the fact that they don't like the pairing.

**Length: **Three chapters.

**Upload Schedule:** Most of the story is already written, so it shouldn't take as long as usual... (look at the sweat drop over the author's brow – she just _knows_ she's going to take a small eternity for this one, too. But she deserves it for having gone bloody nuts, don't you all agree?)

_-----_

_**---Sugar Skin---**_

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**--- Chapter 1: Loneliness is Evil---**

Rinoa was actually grinding her teeth together in silent, but agonizing anger as she lay there, wrapped in the very same thick blankets which Zell had spread out for her over a soft mattress which Zell had, again_ just_ for her, borrowed from their neighbours. She wanted to punch through that soft, feathery mattress right now, imagining it was Squall's face. Making a small sound, but biting down on her lips as she remembered that Zell was sleeping in his bed only a couple of mere meters away, very much within hearing distance, she muffled the sound. She didn't want to arouse the sleeping blonde's attention, didn't want to disturb his sleep when he was kind enough to let her stay on his bedroom floor, the fact that he had squarely refused them in the beginning notwithstanding. In fact, knowing that Zell wasn't exactly happy about them staying at his house only increased Rinoa's wish not to disturb the hot-tempered blonde too much. Balamb Town was currently blocked off from the rest of the world as some search party was feverishly looking for a girl named Ellone, having left Rinoa and Squall little choice but to ask Zell for accommodation. He had been very reluctant at first, but had eventually given in - a certain grumpiness continuing to stay with him the entire evening.

Sighing, she ran a hand through her silky, raven hair and as her thoughts returning to Squall once more, another wave of anger washed through her – this time, one that was powerful to make it difficult for her to will herself _not_ to bite down on her lower lip with enough force to draw blood. Rinoa might have been been quite the passionate and quick-tempered woman who didn't hold any grudges, but she knew that _this time_, she was really pissed. Never mind all the previous times Squall had been cold or downright mean to her and his comrades, never mind the countless times he had refused her in one way or the other, a refusal that went far beyond 'I don't want to fuck you' and could be more translated to 'I don't want to look at you', which was insufferably more offensive -- still, Rinoa had managed to come around every single time.

Since it was one of Rinoa's self-proclaimed principles to try to be nice and fair to everyone who crossed her path, she found it somewhat irritating that Squall of all people would be the person to flat-out decline his friendship. Rinoa Heartilly wasn't used to not getting what she wanted, especially when she wanted it as badly as Squall's friendship – and, quite frankly, there was also little she despised more than not getting what she wanted. But still, quite miraculously, she had never really been able to be mad at Squall for very long.

Until now.

This time, he'd just hit it right on the mark. _This time _had been the straw that finally broke the overworked camel's back. Refusing to sleep in one room with them for reasons that she suspected were far less noble than his bodyguard story indicated. Squall, who was painfully absent from the room and was sleeping downstairs on the couch somewhere, had acted like it was unthinkable to share a room with Rinoa and Zell, _even though_ Rinoa knew full well even students at Balamb shared rooms until they became SeeDs and _even though_ Zell's floor was big enough for two or more people to comfortably fit in without poking each other in the ribs every single _fucking_ time they turned around in their sleep. The girl suspected the one and only reason Squall had insisted on staying downstairs was not wanting to share a room with _her, _for whatever reasons his twisted little mind had come up with.

Groaning slightly, she turned from one side to the other, opening her eyes in the darkness. She could make out random shapes and objects and she could hear Zell's soft breathing; a very youthful, even breathing that could have lulled her to sleep as well if she hadn't been too occupied by trying to keep her anger at bay enough so she wouldn't run the risk of spontaneous self-combustion. She'd just read an article on that this morning. Scary thing. Squall, of course, had only looked at her with a look that clearly read, '_What, do you still believe in fairy tales...?'_

Granted, maybe she was a little too romantic for this world sometimes, but even if she, convinced of herself to the last bit, could maybe admit to be somewhat leaning towards the romantic, more emotional side, then Squall should see as well that_ his_ behaviour sure as fucking hell wasn't all that normal, either. In fact, Squall was about as far away from being ordinary than she was from volunteering to appear as a bikini model in President Deling's voting campaign. In short, not very likely.

She rolled on her stomach, pursing her heart-shaped mouth as she pressed her head against the mattress, the warmth and thickness of it muffling the quiet groans escaping her throat. Just as she was about to suffocate, she got up again, trying to find a comfortable position so that she would maybe, with the luck of a man winning the lottery, fall asleep in the end. As much as she was angry at Squall, tossing around on the mattress for another 5 hours or so wasn't a very enticing outlook either, especially considering the mission they had to successfully complete the following morning. But just when she decided to tell herself to sleep, she heard a mumbling from beside her, followed by shifting and the sound of the sheets moving.

"Ri.. Rinoa?" Zell asked. She had expected his voice to be groggy and drawling with sleep, but he didn't sound like he'd just been waken up at all. Still, a pang of guilt shot through Rinoa.

_Great, Rinoa_, she thought to herself sourly. _You just had to wake him up, didn't you?_

"You can't sleep..?" Zell asked.

"No.. " she said quietly, wetting her lips. Hell, no point in lying, was there? What other reasons did she have to groan and toss around on her mattress other than the obvious one – that she couldn't sleep? She cleared her throat. "But it's all right, Zell. Just go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you up, you know?"

"Don't worry about that," Zell's voice, which was reaching her through the darkness, sounded even more youthful and cute than usual, without any visuals to distract Rinoa from really listening to him. His voice had been one of the first things Rinoa had paid attention to when meeting Zell, though she had admittedly not paid much mind to his voice – or to Zell, for that matter. She sighed, guessing she had just been too interested in a certain cold guy who acted like he was indefinitely more declined to eat rosty nails for dinner than to acknowledge her as a three-dimensional human being. A real hand for picking the uncomplicated guys, hadn't she just?

"Um, Rinoa..?" Zell spoke up again, just as the dark-haired girl had settled back into the soft mattress.

"Yeah...?"

"Maybe... you can't you sleep because of me...?" he trailed off, sounding embarrassed, something that piqued Rinoa's interest, temporarily distracting her from her internal Squall bitch-fest.

"Huh?" Rinoa asked, blinking to make out Zell's silhouette in the darkness, which was somewhat difficult since she wasn't used to light that dark. Balamb Town was a very small town, and the light that made it into their rooms from the streets was dim at best. Rinoa remembered her room in Deling had always been bright at night, from thousands of neon lights floating up from the city below.

"Oh!" Rinoa exclaimed, smiling in the darkness. "No, you didn't snore."

There was a pause from Zell's end. "I didn't meant _that_, but… nevermind."

"Thanks for letting me stay here, Zell," Rinoa muttered, figuring he wouldn't mind talking to her since she had already woken him up and maybe she wouldn't get the chance to thank him tomorrow. "I mean, I know you aren't thrilled by it. So, you know, thanks. Also, again, so sorry for waking you up! I didn't mean to."

"Don't mention it. I'm not tired right now. You woke me up but I'm not all groggy like I usually am when someone wakes me up. It's usually advised to wear a motorcycle helmet when attempting to wake me up."

Rinoa laughed genuinely. She could hear him moving on his bed and she tried to make out what he was doing, but soon gave up as she noticed yet again that all her attempts to see something in this darkness turned out to be rather futile. "I'm kinda surprised, though," Zell added.

"Surprised?" Rinoa echoed. "By what?"

"Well, maybe I was wrong or something, I just figured you'd wanna stay downstairs with Squall instead."

Rinoa tried to sound non-chalant. "What gives you that idea...?"

"You act like you have a crush on him," Zell said.

"Gosh! Are you always this blunt?" Rinoa gasped.

"So I hear," Zell said softly, but his voice lacked his usual carefree confidence, sounding like he was almost shy about something, something that Rinoa chalked up to the fact that he probably didn't have to share his room very often and the fact that said sleep-over was a_ girl_ probably didn't help any to soothe his nerves. Although Rinoa didn't know the small blonde very well, she was quite good at judging people at first sight (or so she liked to think of herself) so she had immediately gotten the 'shy around women' air from the cute blonde, something she actually favoured to the 'asshole around women' air. On a rational level anyway. But sadly attraction wasn't always rational... in fact, Rinoa figured, it probably usually wasn't and again she thought that she just had a hand to drool over the most challenging, anti-social men.

Rinoa frowned in the darkness. "Squall's a dick."

"I know," Zell answered, his voice returning to some of his usual eagerness. "Squall's a dick. Seifer's a dick. And a much bigger dick than Squall, I might add. Um. Not _literally_ of course..."

Rinoa laughed quietly to herself, feeling at ease talking to the blonde martial artist, something she definitely hadn't felt the past couple of hours. "I might actually be improving then..." Rinoa muttered, a sad look washing over her face as she said this. As much as she was angry at Squall and at herself for having let herself develop a certain fondness for the stoic brunette, she couldn't deny that there was another feeling creeping inside her right along the anger.

_Loneliness. _

Rinoa had never really been lonely before and had always had many friends to surround herself with, but ever since she had joined Squall's group, she had felt incredibly lonely at times. When she'd seem them fighting, their abilities so much more developed than hers, outclassing her in every single aspect of fighting. When they were talking, about Garden or life, topics she had nothing to contribute to, topics that were as foreign to her as her own little Timber mission, which she still held very dear to her heart, was to them. They weren't all best buds and there was tension among them sometimes, but there was also something that told Rinoa that they were a group, that they were somewhat connected and that, no matter how much she wanted to, she could never be a part of it even if they agreed to try to integrate her as a full member. Even if they really _tried_, she would never be like them.

Zell was silent and Rinoa reckoned it was probably because he noticed she was sad, but was way too awkward to figure out how to support her. Rinoa couldn't see Zell being a master at consoling others, a trait he shared with the vast majority of teenage boys his age and even beyond. Rinoa silently thought about a way to lift her spirits. She thought about drinking a can of beer or two, something she did sometimes when she couldn't sleep, haunted by nightmares or thoughts that wouldn't cease to roam her head like pirates. Drinking a little bit of alcohol tended to send her into a peaceful, heavy slumber, something she desperately needed right now. She figured she wouldn't be much use for Zell and Squall tomorrow if she was almost unable to keep her sleep-derived self on her wobbly feet.

"Do you..." she thus started delicately, trying to sound innocent, "have something to drink?"

"What, _now_?" Zell exclaimed and Rinoa giggled as she imagined his surprised face. Zell was one of those people who couldn't hide their emotions and instead openly displayed them on their faces. "You mean, like, orange juice..?"

"No, Zell," Rinoa said. "I was thinking more along the lines of _beer_."

Zell gasped and she giggled yet again. "Wait, let me get this straight," Zell mumbled, "you want me to give you _booze_?"

"Zell, you're a teenage boy," Rinoa said with, teasing in her voice. "I'm sure you're not quite as innocent as you might seem."

"Wait, let's turn on the lights first, aight?" Rinoa heard Zell getting up, commencing his way to the light switch as he accidentally hit his toe on something. Rinoa heard a yelp of pain and she couldn't help but laugh quietly under her breath, a laughter that eased yet a bit more of the tension inside her body, allowing her to temporarily forget all about her problems. She knew they would come back eventually, and likely with more force than before, but she welcomed the chance to abandon them by having some mindless fun with the witty blonde.

Zell cursed something under his breath that contained the word 'fuck' quite some times, and then he bathed the world into blinding light with one motion of his hands, light that quite violently raced right into the dark-haired girl's eyes. She closed them, groaning in pain. When she felt like she could open her eyes without having to worry of them getting burned out of their sockets by Zell's light switch, she saw Zell standing in front of her, a tight-fitting but rather old-looking dark blue t-shirt revealing part of his abdomen, his usually so spiky hair tousled and falling into his big, blue eyes in wet, slick tresses. He was also wearing a pair of grey pants that were obviously meant to sleep in and Rinoa couldn't help but grin at his appearance. Zell in pyjamas ranked on the cuteness scale (which ranged from acne sprees on butts all the way up to kittens and Squall's eyes) somewhere close to the top.

"Nice pajamas," Rinoa observed, smiling warmly.

Zell scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, slightly bowing forward as he did so, something that the blonde martial artist seemed to be doing quite a lot. "Well.. er.. thanks?"

Rinoa smiled again. There was something about the straight-forward, no-nonsense way that Zell had to him that made Rinoa feel less lonely. The raven-haired girl thought that it was perhaps not so much _their_ fault that she felt like an alien among them a lot of times; it was probably also herself who, although very civil, was often too wrapped up in Squall to really socialize with the other team mates on a regular basis. Her smile fell and she sighed for a moment, looking down at the blue blanket she had wrapped herself in and at the silky blue pyjamas she was wearing underneath. Clothes that she knew would make her feel idiotic if Squall ever saw her in.

"Rinoa...?" Zell asked, raising one of his golden eyebrows.

"Hm? Oh," Rinoa shook her head. "Well, do you have something to drink?"

Zell regarded her out of his pale blue eyes, the colour that many people thought of as cold and icy, yet were very much not cold on Zell. His eyes were too alive and interested to ever really look hostile. "You really want something now?"

"Yeah, Zell," she sighed. "I can't sleep at all. A glass of wine or some beer will help me relax." Zell frowned and Rinoa hastily added, "I need the energy tomorrow. I mean, without Quistis, Selphie or Irvine, who's gonna fight for me if I can't?"

Zell sat down on the floor in front of her, regarding her carefully. Rinoa smiled at him as she saw the glint in his eyes, knowing he wouldn't refuse her this tiny little wish, just as most, if not all teenage boys wouldn't. Well, they probably got shitfaced in clubs or with their friends and rarely with a pyjama-clad girl who was sleeping in their room with them, but Rinoa was willing to bet said prospect didn't sound quite that horrible to most teenage boys.

"Well, I don't think we have beer, but my Ma has some Bacardi," Zell said, his voice probably involuntarily lowering itself to a whisper like he was confiding her in on a secret, which was kind of cute considering how thick the walls were. Zell grinned at her, something that made his eyes glitter. "I guess a glass or two would be all right, eh?"

"Well, if it's all right with _you_," Rinoa trailed off. "I mean, you were sleeping."

Zell shrugged. "I don't usually sleep more than four hours a night at the most. I don't think any of the other SeeDs do either, ever since we left Balamb for Timber..." He noticed Rinoa's expression. "Not that there's anything wrong with sleeping longer than that, though! I mean, sleeping is kinda fun, isn't it? I mean, not that you actually _do_ anything, it's just, you know, I mean... relaxing?" he asked with a small grin, but it soon fell. "Shit. Sorry. I'm an idiot."

Rinoa laughed. "It's all right. I just like sleeping, I guess. I used to sleep up to 12 hours a day."

Zell's face fell. "No way!" he exclaimed passionately. Zell was definitely cute, in a lost-puppy sort of way. He wasn't the kind of guy that was sexy in his dark mystery like Squall was, or a guy that was attractive because he acted like he owned the world and didn't give a shit like Seifer. Zell was charming in a very boyish and helpless, yet very natural way, a way Rinoa had never found herself particularily attracted to but which she was enjoying right that moment.

"Damn," Zell muttered and scratched his back yet again before he got up in one swift, elegant motion. "Well, I'll go down to get that bottle.. but we shouldn't overdo it, I mean, having a hangover won't be all that great tomorrow, either, will it?"

"Imagine what Squall would do to us," Rinoa said, making a half-serious face.

Zell grinned at her. "Maybe it would actually be cool to see Squall all angry and stuff."

Rinoa nodded and they shared a comfortable silence, just looking at each other, something like silent understanding between them, something not quite tangible, something quite delicate, something not really sexual, but there nonetheless. Rinoa was starting to get a hang for the other man, reckoning that he probably despised being somewhat underappreciated among the others, something that had not even passed Rinoa's very pre-occupied-with-certain-brooding-brunettes mind. A lot of the times, Rinoa noticed that the others were sort of talking above Zell's head, like he wasn't on the same level they were. The dark-haired girl didn't yet fancy herself to be an appropriate judge of Zell's intelligence (or lack thereof) but this certain behaviour on especially Squall's and Quistis' part had always striked her as in desperate need of improvement. Rinoa noticed that Zell started to get restless under her gaze.

"Well... go then," she said softly, breaking the moment.

"Uh, right. Sorry," Zell sputtered. "I'll be right back, then." He turned around to go and Rinoa noticed that his body looked much more muscular from behind, his broad shoulders which narrowed into a lean, trim waist more impressive than up front. Rinoa had often noticed that men looked bigger from behind than they did up front, but it was especially noticeable in Zell Dincht, a guy who could almost be considered petite because of his height, boyish features and lean stature, but whose shoulders were impressively wide and everything masculine. The raven-haired woman pursed her lips as Zell softly shut the door behind him, leaving her alone with these strange thoughts unwilling to leave her mind, because she knew that although Zell was attractive, he didn't measure up to Squall. _Gosh_, she thought, bringing one hand to her temple, _Squall is getting more to me than I thought. _

--- **tbc**


	2. The Knight on a TBoard

_**Author's Notes: **_Well, I finally managed to put this one out!

This version is the **CENSORED** version of this chapter – I cut out all the sex due to 's no smut fic rules (although plenty of people are breaking it, I don't want to risk having my account banned because of one malicious person reporting me, so I'm sticking by the rules). The real, uncensored version is on – simply click on my **profile** for the direct link to the smutty goodness. :)

For this censored version, I didn't make an effort to re-write the story at all, and simply just cut out the inappropriate scene. For this reason, unless you don't like reading sex for whatever reason, I recommend you go over to ficwad and read the real deal. There's plenty of information in the sex scene that you'd miss out on reading the censored version instead – but of course I can completely understand if you're just not so much into reading graphic stuff (and it pretty graphic and nasty, it _is_) so just act according to your own likes and morals. :)

Enjoy the chapter!

_**--Sugar Skin--**_

**-- Chapter 2/3: The Knight on a T-Board--**

Zell crept down the stairs, biting down on his lips in an effort to hex the stairs not to make any sound as he listened intently to make out Squall're regular breathing. Reaching the bottom, his eyes involuntarily travelled to the blue hump on the couch - Squall wrapped into thick blue blankets. The brunette was laying on his side, and just the very moment Zell wanted to sigh in relief that he hadn't woken up the brunette his eyes met Squall's and the blonde gasped a jumped a step back. Squall's eyes were revealing stormy depth that were resting on the martial artist quite indifferently, dull and glazed-over as though they weren't even really seeing the blonde.

"Hyne, you scared me!" Zell said, trying to hide his nervousness from the unmoving brunette man whose penetrating eyes were resting on him. Zell had almost started to wonder whether Squall was sleeping with his eyes open when the brunette finally decided to verbally heed his existence.

"What are you doing..?" Squall mumbled, finally blinking his unnerving eyes. "We're supposed to sleep." His voic was flat and matter-of-fact.

"I just had to get something.. for Rinoa," Zell answered, trying to sound calm. It didn't really work, as he nervously busied himself with his hands, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Their clock was unnerving Zell, applying extra-pressure to his strained nerves as it ticked away monotonously. _Tick-tack. Tick-tack._ It took all of Zell's might not to groan in frustration.

"Well, I'll go.. get that.. thing, then," the blonde declared, grinning at his brunette leader out of uncertain eyes. The martial artist might have been Squall's only friend, but that didn't mean he was completely at ease around the other man all the time. In fact, a lot of times, the exact opposite came closer to the truth, because as much as Zell hated to admit it, the cool superiority with which Squall treated him hurt him greatly. Zell knew that every human thought of him- or herself as smart and, that this fact was as much true for scientists as it was for simple construction workers, but as much as Zell had to admit that he was ditzier and somewhat clumsier than the more graceful Squall, the brunette and Quistis often oversaw or chose to downright ignore that while Zell didn't possess some of their qualities, his technological knowledge far outdid theirs. Zell couldn't deny a certain bitterness at the fact that he would probably never get as much respect from Squall as the others – even that guy they recently met up with (who was wearing a_ a cowbow hat_ of all things, as Zell reminded himself with an internal snort) – received.

"Fine," Squall mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes to signal their conversation was over and Zell couldn't help make a victory pose at Squall's sleeping form, relieved that Squall hadn't thought of asking him what exactly he was getting. His mood reaching a new plateau of euphoria, Zell's mind left the realms of Squall and his questionable way to treat the blonde and returned to his 'task'. Zell was a teenage boy (a teenage boy who actually enjoyed fun, something that seemed to be practically unheard of by the likes of Squall and Quistis) so he didn't have any moral issues with sharing a glass or two with Rinoa. What upset him slightly more was the fact that Rinoa had a very small, lithe form - a form that didn't suggest that the raven-haired girl could handle alcohol well. At all.

Sighing, Zell just told himself to keep an eye on the girl as he rummaged through his mother's cabinet, soon taking out the bottle she had purchased last week for his upcoming birthday. He felt a slight pang of regret of having to open the bottle now, but by reassuring himself that it was a noble cause to save Rinoa from haunting insomnia, he managed to put his mind at ease. He took two glasses from out of the cabinet and then, smiling to himself, he quietly passed the couch Squall was laying on, relieved to see that the brunette had apparently decided to ignore him for the rest of the evening, and started to quietly climb the stairs. When he reached the door to his room, he crept into the room with more care than was absolutely necessary, seeing Rinoa sitting on the edge of his bed with her hands under her thighs and her pretty face smiling at him in expectation. Zell wasn't the type who blushed, but he couldn't deny a certain nervousness coupled with delicate embarrassment trickle down his spine.

"You got it?" Rinoa asked blithely, revealing a row of small, white teeth. "Excellent!"

"Yeah, I passed Squall," Zell rolled his eyes. "Dude was awake."

"Did he scold you about giving alcohol to pure, stupid, helpless, unprofessional me?" Rinoa asked, but it came out more bitterly than she'd expected, causing her to pause and look at the blonde with questioning eyes. She licked her lips delicately. "Nevermind."

Zell shrugged. "He wasn't interested in knowing what it was I had to get. You see, he isn't the most interested-in-friends type, or even the slightly-interested-in-friends type and he usually prefers to stay somewhere that's away from his.. friends," Zell rambled. He paused and cocked his eyebrows. "I mean..."

"You have a funny way of talking," Rinoa cut him off, laughing. Whenever Rinoa laughed, she did it very warmly, her laughter never containing any maliciousness or ill-wish, never holding any trace of selfish pleasure. Zell found himself liking that quite a bit.

"Well, I don't _usually_," Zell smiled, waving his hand to indicate his point. "I mean, I don't usually talk quite like that, do I?" Rinoa just looked at him seriously and Zell's smile fell, replaced by what could only be described as pure, emotional surprise. "Oh shit, I _do_? I don't, do I?" Zell laughed nervously. "You're shitting me, right? Right?"

Rinoa laughed, waving her hand dismissively. Smiling, she got up from her comfortable position on the bed and sat down on the floor, indicating Zell to join her. It didn't really seem right to sit in Zell's bed sipping Bacardi, so the floor was the obvious choice. "Well, okay," Rinoa started delicately as she was sitting once more before the standing blonde, "maybe you don't usually sound like it. So sit down."

Zell regarded her for a little while with distrust, thinking about whether or not to believe her he really didn't sound like a moron all the time (a look that Rinoa, again, found somewhat amusing) but when he eventually lowered his lean body opposite of Rinoa's, the boyish grin had already found its way back onto his features. Placing both glasses in front of him, he carefully unscrewed the bottle and filled each glass before he placed the bottle to the side and cheerfully and not without a certain proud 'ha-ha' placed one of the glasses in front of Rinoa. She took the thin, expensive wine glass with a radiantly youthful eagerness and took a first, careful sip.

The alcohol, although quite mild and low in actual percentage, burned in her mouth and throat and left the semi-familiar bitter taste behind, a taste she usually detested, but which she didn't mind that moment. Warmth filled her body as the liquid reached her stomach and she sighed contently, smiling at Zell with a smile that already carried the teeniest hint of alcoholic bliss.

"Aw," Rinoa cooed. "Thanks, Zell."

Zell had already half-emptied his own glass. "You like it?"

"It's tasty," Rinoa answered. "Alcohol usually tastes like shit, but this is good. Not too strong, yet strong enough that you can feel some effect." She smiled. "You did well."

"Thank my mom," Zell answered.

"I could, but I rather thank you," Rinoa answered, already feeling like the alcohol had somewhat affected her, had somewhat, in what was biologically nearly impossible, already soothed her to the point she was getting genuinely cheerful again. Rinoa grinned at Zell in an almost silly way. "You're like my knight in shining armour or something."

"A knight? How _lame_."

Rinoa cocked and eyebrow and emptied her glass in one long sip, setting the glass off with one "You don't like knights?"

"Why should I? Don't they spend all their time wearing to wear thick armour and fighting with stupid lances? I mean, won't you sweat like a pig under all that stuff? And all that just to serve or save some hoochie mama," he trailed off, "excuse me, _damsel in distress _who doesn't even let you have some?" Zell shook his head. "Nah, I rather be your bodyguard on a T-board. Ain't that just so much _cooler_?"

"Well," Rinoa retorted playfully, helping herself to another glass of Bacardi. "It has its own appeal, I guess. How about 'knight on a T-board'? Doesn't always have to be the knight on some horse, does it?"

"I don't know," Zell drawled, filling his glass once more as well. "I guess I just have a slight dislike for that word."

"Because of Seifer?" Rinoa asked. To hell with tact. If Zell could get away with asking whatever was on his mind, that automatically meant it was all right to behave the same way around him, to be completely direct and honest when it was just the two of them. That was the good thing about tactless people; you never really had to keep _your_ manners in check either.

Zell flinched slightly at the mention of that name, and his eyes somewhat darkened as a shadow slithered across its shiny blue surface. "Maybe." Zell said nothing more as he drained his second glass, but then levelled his gaze almost thoughtfully on Rinoa, who was looking almost greedily at the bottle situated next to Zell with her empty glass in her petite hands.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink more," Zell said quietly, looking at Rinoa's body through the soft material of her silky pajamas, seeing her small, but seemingly so perky breasts poking through, her tiny waist leading to narrow, but shapely hips and ending in thin legs which were currently crossed. Soft violet nail polish was glittering on her petite feet. Zell, who had apparently drunken to much, had to shake his head as he felt a sudden attraction to the girl in front of him. It was little more than a small pull, a tiny voice whispering into his ears to go over and collect her body in his arms, but it was there nonetheless, and didn't seem inclined to stop sending its eerie recommendations down his spine any time soon.

Rinoa, meanwhile, looked up at Zell out of her big, round bambi eyes. "Aw, come on, Zell," she cooed. "Just one or two glasses more." Before Zell could so much as move, much less stop her, Rinoa had already grabbed the bottle in question and was blissfully filling her slender wine glass to the rim, giggling slightly as she drowned the glass with another long sip, making a satisfied, gulpy 'ahhh' sound after having drowned the glass's entire content. She beamed up at Zell, a soft tinge of pink colouring each of her cheekbones, giving her pale skin an enticing glow. Her deep, dark eyes had a gentle dizziness about them and derived her movements of grace as she hurriedly leaned forward to grab the bottle. That shit tasted awesome, Rinoa decided. She had never been much of a drinker, but this type of alcohol caressed her taste buds like little else had before, and she relished in the relaxing feeling that was slowly spreading throughout her body, giving her the soothing sensation she had been craving for these past hours. Her head felt strangely heavy, like her brain had slowed down and been filled with several cement stones and everything she looked at was softened by the edge of alcohol, including Zell. The alcohol really brought out his shiny blonde hair and his dark tattoo, which was, in Rinoa's vision, creeping up his face like a bizarre, black thorns, scraping delicately against his cheekbones. Rinoa felt all her limbs getting heavier as the alcohol coursing through her system lodged in her head. The raven-haired girl smiled at Zell widely.

"You know, Zell," Rinoa said, her voice carrying a certain slur, "Squall _really_ is a dick. I mean, he... he... always treats me like I'm some kinda.. unprofessional." She stopped, thinking. "Or like I'm ugly or anything."

Zell sipped on his own glass, his eyes fixed intently upon Rinoa's face. Her enticingly flushed cheeks were standing out against her white skin; skin he'd always thought of as 'sugar skin' because he thought it resembled the pure white of the sugar he put into his morning tea every day and probably tasted just as sweet. Rinoa's black hair was yet another exquisite contrast to her pale, pale skin. Her dark brown eyes were like sucking little pools amidst the now so gently and charmingly stained whiteness of her skin.

"You're not ugly at all," Zell said, his voice slurred as well. "In fact, you're kinda not ugly.. like.. the opposite of ugly.."

"Pretty?" Rinoa offered.

"That's the word!" Zell cheered. "Uh..." his smile fell a little. "I think I'm kinda.. kinda not used to drinking." Zell knew that neither he nor Rinoa had actually drunken that much, but he traced that back to the fact that they were both very much lightweights, Rinoa especially, but also Zell for his small, almost petite for a man frame. Even a small amount of alcohol could make them both shitfaced, but there was one little voice of sanity somewhere inside Zell's head that was threatened to be swallowed by the heaviness of insanity that was peeping loudly and annoyingly in his brain, telling him to stop drinking. Telling him hat they had a mission tomorrow, that they need the energy, that they couldn't --

"Zell," Rinoa said, effectively shutting the little voice in the blonde's head up, until it got washed away by the other voices that were telling him to do much less noble things. Zell met Rinoa's gaze an he saw that her shoulders had somewhat slumped, a look of dismay on her pretty face. "I'm lonely with all of you," Rinoa said, her voice slurring, but also clearly hurting, clearly speaking a truth that alcohol forced her to spill into the open. "I... I don't really belong.."

"But you do belong!" Zell sputtered, involuntarily reaching out to grab Rinoa's hand. Rinoa looked up, but didn't withdraw her hand. Zell looked at her and his brain got a little muddier as he did so. "I mean.. you know.. fuck, where was I? Oh yeah, you belong, kinda."

Rinoa looked at him, a soft smile creeping up her lips. She then stuck out her tongue and laughed quietly, rolling her eyes at herself. "Shit, I'm so drunk, Zell," she laughed. "We should really go back to sleep."

"Yeah..." Zell answered, trailing off as he looked at Rinoa, seeing her getting uneasy under his glare, and Zell clearly noticed that there was sexual tension in the air, that the air between them was thick with possibilities. Zell noticed again that he was attracted to the girl, and he felt a shiver go through his body as quick images flashed by.

_Rinoa underneath him. Moaning. His cock,** his**, not Squall's or anyone else's, sheathed tightly inside her, her --_

Zell shook his head, trying to force the images out of his mind, trying to calm himself down – yet the sudden burst of heat that had been ignited inside him proved reluctant to let itself be smothered by attempts of rational thought. He tried to tell himself that he couldn't think about her that way, that, first of all, she was quite clearly interested in Squall and Squall only, which in turn meant she was most likely not interested in a giddy, stupid little kid like him. A stupid kid without experience, to top things off.

"So, uh," Rinoa asked, shifting uncomfortably herself. _Shit, has she noticed my lecherous stares?! _"What's up with you and the library girl? I overheard Selphie talking about it."

Zell raised both eyebrows. "Selphie doesn't talk. She _gushes_."

Rinoa laughed so hard that she momentarily lost balance, her body awkwardly falling forward before she managed to catch her weight, still laughing as though she'd never heard anything funnier than that. Zell noticed that she had filled her glass again.

"Oh, you're right. She totally does!" Rinoa exclaimed. "But, tell me. What's up with you and library girl..?"

Zell didn't answer and instead took another long sip. He felt the alcohol burning in his throat before it reluctantly followed the only available path down his stomach, and he welcomed the buzz that was intensifying in his brain. "Well..." Zell started hesitatingly, making it plain that this was pretty far away from being his favourite topic. "... I know she likes me and I do like her, too, but nothing ever... you know, comes out of it? It's like... I don't know..." in that moment he stopped talking for a while and instead did a small hiccup, which Rinoa naturally found quite hilarious. Zell just shot her a helpless look, silently pleasing her to stop giggling but Rinoa was already too drunk to pick up on the hint.

"So, you mean.." she said inbetween giggles, "you're what? Too shy? It doesn't work out because... because..." that was when she helped herself to yet another glass, "you're both too shy?"

Zell didn't answer. He just nodded very curtly and Rinoa broke out into yet another fit of giggles as he did so. "Zell," she said, beaming at him, her cheeks blushed, "did I ever tell you how_ cute_ you were?"

Zell regarded her out of suddenly very serious eyes. "No, you didn't. I think you were too busy with Squall, actually."

Rinoa was by now determined not to let anything wear her down and force her to return to her bad mood, so she just waved one hand. "Then, I'm telling you now. Zell, you are_ awfully_ cute."

"Th... thanks... I guess.." Zell said, now definitely a slight tremor in his voice after the unexpected flattery. He barely dared to raise his icy blue eyes to meet Rinoa's coffee brown ones, but eventually did so when he could hear her giggling more. He regarded her out of calm eyes as he saw her smiling and laughing quietly to herself. Her cheeks were tinted a gentle pink, a confused, delirious expression was present in her drunken eyes, her tiny body... oh my, her body...

_Think of something else!_ Zell mentally chided himself. _This is not the time to be thinking about sex. She is in love with **Squall**, not you! She has a thing for the members of the asshole club and you, my friend, are unfortunately still working on that membership card. Think of something else, goddammnit! Think of... think of Director Cid, yes! **What**, you're still horny?! **Fine**, Director Cid in a leopard-printed thong!! There you go, erection, there you go!_

"Um.. Zell?" Rinoa asked gently.

_Oh, shit, _Zell thought with feeling. The blonde martial artist was under the impression that that word always had to be said, even thought, with feeling. If he had had much time to think about it, he might even have been proud of his mental mastery of inflection.

Outwardly, Zell just said, "yes?" and blinked a few times into the direction of the drunken girl. But she had crawled across the floor and was looking at him with a concerned expression on her pretty face.

"Are you all right?" Rinoa hiccuped.

For a moment, Zell didn't reply – instead he looked into her face, into her beautiful, big brown eyes, framed by those wonderfully long, black lashes... and then, he let his eyes trail down to her rosé coloured lips; lips that were just calling for him to kiss, ravish even. Not that he had much experience with ravishing mouths, but...

He jerked. "Everything's just perfect!" he lied, laughing uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his head while the lips he tried to pull into a wide grin dropped sideways and ended up stuck in an unconvincing lopsided grin. "Why wouldn't I be all right?"

Rinoa "mmmh"ed in a way that meant she didn't believe him and continued to regard him out of a pretty face that spelled pure mockery, softened by the beam of alcohol. "I think something's wrong," she drawled, grinning evilly. "Could it be that I'm making you_ nervous_?"

"Nervous?" Zell repeated, obviously flustered. "Me? Nervous? Oh no. No, no, no, no. I'm unnervous. Absolutely unnervous." He looked at Rinoa out of desperately glinting blue, blue eyes. "You know what I mean... right?"

Rinoa pouted, smiling sheepishly. "Zell... have you ever been with a girl?"

Zell's jaw dropped comically, then a tinge of bright red started to work its way up from his neck, making the sandy blonde, faint freckles on his cheeks stand out like stains. Rinoa laughed.

"What, why... yes! Of course! I've been with them lots of times... in class... during practice... and with Selphie, I've been lots of times during lunch and--"

"You _know_ what I mean," Rinoa said, her voice having dropped to a whisper, but her face still full of drunken maliciousness, getting joy out of seeing the boy opposite her so deeply embarrassed.

Zell swallowed. "I... uh... ah... well... .. no."

"You haven't?"

"I haven't."

Rinoa nodded knowingly. "Thought so."

Zell's face well. "Hey! What do you mean 'thought so'?!" He almost seemed hurt. "It's not that I haven't had plenty of chances! Really, it's not! I've had plenty!"

"Like what?" Rinoa asked, squinting her eyes and grinning.

"...some girl once offered to give me her hot dog."

Rinoa's laugh echoed through the room as she once again slumped forward, holding her stomach as the laughters ripped through her, almost seeming to split the delicate, petite girl in halves. "Offered you... her hot dog..." she repeated, laughing harder still.

Zell looked deeply offended, chewing his lower lip in frustration. Finally, his expression changed. "Well, so what?" he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest in childish defiance. "So what? I've been very busy with school. With SeeD work. With doing Trepe's homework on time. It's only natural! I bet my left nut Squall hasn't, either! No wait, both nuts, because I at least held a girl's hand once, I don't think he ever did, and besides, this other dude in my class, I tell you he's so perverted, he actually spies on the girls in the locker room, and I wouldn't ever, isn't that better, and -"

"Zell," she interrupted him gently, smiling at him. Zell, blushed a deep red from his torrent of words and stole a look at her, the expression on his face hovering somewhere between shame and defiance. He let his eyes hover above hers, the gentle sparks in them inviting him to come over and inspect them in full detail. Her mouth was curved into an amused smile, and though he could not rid himself of the feeling she was making fun of him, and would continue to do so, he sensed that the malicious humor once so evidently etched into her features had been replaced by a gentle layer of kindness and benevolent kindness.

"Yeah?" he answered, looking at her, at a complete loss for what to do. He was concentrating so hard on her face he didn't even notice she was unbuttoning her shirt. He gasped as, below the sky blue pajamas, a small, delicate pink bra flashed.

"Rinoa?" Zell asked, his voice coming out in a screech; his eyes wild on her half-exposed chest and his heart beating like a trapped animal inside his rib cage eager to escape and attack the black-haired girl in front of him. "What... what are you doing?"

Rinoa just smiled, then, slowly, making him aware of her every move in every bone of hers, she slid across the floor, crawling like a cat. Smiling though she was, he couldn't help register the drowsy, still quite drunken look on her face, but what he had an even harder time not registering was the soft breasts about to spill out of the silky pink bra.

"Rinoa...?" Zell asked again, "wha --"

He was cut off as he felt Rinoa's lips on his own, felt them moisten his lips with wet saliva the very instant they touched. His eyes wide open, his heart beating so hard now he could feel his blood being pushed through his veins in strong, frantic bursts, he could feel her lips opening and a soft tongue peeking out. It licked across Zell's lips in a playful manner, then closed again to gentle bring his lower lip between her own. A soft moan escaped her, and it was this moan that snapped Zell back to reality. Gasping, he grabbed her arms, pushing her away enough for him to look at her startled, immediately displeased face at a safe distance. _Wait,_ he thought, with another frantic beat of his heart. _Wasn't that just... my first kiss?_

Rinoa was still very obviously displeased as she studied his face. "What's wrong, Zell?"

"You're drunk," he tried to reason. "You like Squall."

Rinoa smiled, obviously relieved it was not some graver sort of conflict he was internally fighting over. "Not tonight," she said sweetly, then pulled him back into a kiss, pulling him towards her, running her fingers through his spiky, hardened hair, leaving his hands dangling over her breasts. Then, suddenly, Zell thought "_fuck it_" and let his hands cup Rinoa's breasts.

Rinoa, meanwhile, while she had displayed such confidence while she had tried to seduce Zell, suddenly felt a sharp pang of doubt go through her. She had wanted to feel less lonely and perhaps, elevated by the alcohol, had felt the pressing urge to try whether her feminine charms were still working, whether getting rejected by this asshole meant that suddenly, all men found her unattractive, the rejection by Squall having eaten away at her to a far more dramatic extent than she'd ever let on to anyone else. However, the doubt softly sullied, weakened and eventually disappeared, sucked away into a place far away from her immediate consciousness as Zell's eager, but trembling hands explored her body with the excitement and fervour of only a male teenaged virgin. Rinoa moaned softly.

Her back connected with the floor as an overzealous, excited Zell pushed her down, elicting muffled moans into her mouth as his excitement reached new and new plateaus. His tongue was darting around wildly and clumsily in her mouth, eagerly mixing his saliva with hers. Slashing around, he licked over her tongue, then embraced it and commenced to rub his against hers with force, moaning softly as he did. He continued to kiss her harder and harder as his excitement reached new heights at the unbelievable prospect that he _was kissing a girl_. Rinoa felt her lower body warm with arousal – as inexperienced, clumsy and wet his kisses were, the feel of his warm tongue made her yearn for the sexual contact she hadn't had since Seifer.

Zell gasped for breath as he tore his mouth away from hers, his eyes mad with lust, having abandoned all thought and reason. He pushed down the bra enough to expose one erected, brown little nipple and, with one low moan, took it into his mouth and circled it with his tongue. Feeling Rinoa's body react, he grabbed her back with force and brought his lips down to suck in all of Rinoa's small breasts while wildly kneading the other. Her nipples were so hard and ready, and the more he flicked his tongue over it, the more Rinoa yelped underneath him, the more she digged her fingers into his neck and the more her thighs trembled. The girl looked down to see Zell's face upon her breasts and saw his tattoo sliding gracefully on his face as though a snake with the movement of his facial muscles. His pink lips were now eagerly sucking on her nipple, while the other hand trailed down further...

Rinoa knew that he wouldn't stop now – maybe not even if she asked him to, not unless she gave him a bodily reaction clearly indicating him to quit. So she just closed her eyes, willed the sirens going off in her head to go quiet, and let herself be consumed and ravished by the zealous boy.

When it was all over, he rolled onto his stomach on Rinoa's mattress, and fell asleep almost, it seemed, as his head hit the pillow. Rinoa sat there in silence, watching him, lost in thought. She could feel his release dripping out of her; wet and heavy and lazy. Something hard and cold encircled her chest, and a sensation not unlike panic started to crawl up its way up her windpipe, like a small snake wriggling on her shoulders, slowly closing in on her throat. And then when the thought of Squall finally stroke at her and the image of his handsome face flashed in her mind like a cruel parody of all things lost and tainted, that's when the snake around her neck went for the bite.

_**-- tbc**_


	3. Epilogue

**Author's Notes: **Done. Done as dinner. Thanks to my readers (yes, all the _both_ of you!) and please enjoy the finale!

To be honest with you, I think this is one of my better works and I'm a little sad it's so under-reviewed. But well, I wasn't _really_ expecting anything else. It is a crack pairing, after all. To those people who _did_ read and review, you have my sincere gratitude! :-)

_Sugar Skin _

_Final Chapter_

Although Zell would never have admitted it to anyone, he had half-expected the morning after losing his virginity to be a lot more special than it turned out to be. He hadn't been sure what he had been expecting – had he seriously thought angels would descend to earth to congratulate him, playing a hero's song on their harps? Or, had he expected his dick to grow hands and give him a thumb's up? Whatever it was he had been secretly dreaming about, he surely hadn't ever envisioned the morning after such a special night to suck quite as much.

As soon as Zell opened his eyes, light raced into his eyes and a headache started to mercilessly hammer away at the insides of his skull. Groaning, he rolled onto his stomach and ran his fingers through his hair. _Why does my head hurt so fucking much? _Both his head and his stomach were disagreeing with him, and if he had been in the right state of mind, he would also have noticed that his head felt a lot muddier than usual, that memories were trying to penetrate the thick layer of apathy he had chosen to cover his mind up with.

Dim voices reached his ear, coming from downstairs, making Zell wonder whether his mom had any visitors over. Just as he decided to ignore the strange headache, the voices and the weird laming tiredness that seemed to have taken possession of his limbs, he suddenly, in one flash that would change everything, remembered.

He sat up so quickly that he entangled himself in his bedsheets and had to fight hard not to fall right back. His eyes searched the room until they caught the bottles of alcohol strewn all over the floor. His mouth fell open.

_What... the...?_

Alcohol. Rinoa. Her eyes. Knights on T-boards. Sex.

His eyes widened just as his hands raced down his body, confirming his nakedness. The blonde drew in his breath sharply as he was trying to get a hold of his thoughts which had broken loose and were roaming his mind, swiftly ditching his attempts at catching and ordering them. While a maelstrom of images and memories trespassed into his mind, he started to throw on his clothes hastily.

With a yelp, he tripped over his own feet as he was trying to yank his socks onto his feet and he fell back down onto the mattress on the floor with a soft 'oomph'. Smells reached his nose as he lay there, his face buried inside the sheets – the sheets on which he and Rinoa had... made love? No, that didn't sound right. It smelled of Rinoa, of sweat. Zell couldn't help but wrinkle his nose in disgust as the stench of his own ejaculate managed to sneak up his nose, once again hammering home just what had happened and just how unlike his storybook fantasies about sex it had been.

Groaning, he leaped to his feet, the alcohol sloshing around in his stomach, making him feel sick and faintly dizzy. Ignoring the spell of dizziness, he continued to dress himself as fast as he could manage while simultaneously trying not to lose balance yet again. It was with a kind of fervour that he put on his clothes – a fervour that suggested that despite his hurry, he never wanted the task of putting on clothes to ever end.

When he did finish dressing, he stood there in his room for several seconds, contemplating. "I... just had sex last night," he said testily. It sounded strange in the air, and the youthfulness and innocence of his voice didn't seem to want to match the words he had spoken. "I had sex last night!" He repeated, trying to muster the triumph, joy and eureka he had always imagined himself to feel that one fateful morning. He drew in a deep breath. "I had sex last night!" He announced again, louder. "Whoohooo! Yay... great."

He fell silent, trying to rack his brain for what else he had sworn himself he would do the one fateful morning after losing his virginity, but came up with a blank page. It wasn't before long that he realized it was in part his physical condition that prevented him from finding the thread. His eyes widened as his stomach finally revolted against all the alcohol he had forced upon it the night prior and while he was making the sprint for his bathroom, he was considering for the first time in his short teenage life that maybe, just maybe... sex was fucking overrated.

--

"What are you looking at me for, dear?" Mrs. Dincht asked good-naturedly. Her eyes were smiling at Rinoa, who winched in shame as she realized she had been staring at the other woman in silent contemplation.

_I just fucked your son last night, Mrs. Dincht_ didn't really seem like something the older woman would want to hear, so Rinoa, blushing a slight shade of pink despite herself, quickly racked her brain for an excuse.

"I was just... admiring your cooking skills," Rinoa lied, plastering a fake smile all over her face. "Your... years of practice really show!" Rinoa didn't really know how many years it took to perfect the art of frying eggs, but her own excuse sounded pretty good to her ears.

"Oh, thanks, you're such a darling" Mrs. Dincht answered, laughing while trying to hide how flattered she felt. "You know, it's really kind of who to help make breakfast. I wish Zell would take some clues from you. In all the years since I've raised him, I only remember him making breakfast twice. And once he almost blew up the kitchen in the process."

Rinoa fake-laughed in response, wondering for the dozenth time that morning just why exactly she had gone to find Mrs. Dincht that morning, but knowing the answer right away. Right, it was because however hard it was to talk to her, it beat talking to either Zell or Squall. She knew she was just procrastinating, that confronting them was inevitable, that, indeed, it would transpire in perhaps as little as a couple of minutes – _oh hell, they will get up soon, won't they? Fuck_ – she hadn't been able to come up with any better course of action, despite the fact that she had had one entire night of sitting up by herself, listening to Zell's regular breathing and wondering just why the hell she'd done the things she'd done. Alone with her surrounding thoughts closing in on her and deprived of being able to do anything worthwhile, the night had stretched endlessly. Bizarrely, the longer it had stretched on the more she had hoped it would go on longer still.

Rinoa heard noise from outside. Footsteps. Her heart somersaulting in her chest, she turned away from the door, focusing her eyes on the egg frying in the pan – hm, white and yellow, delicious smell, all that – but couldn't help drawing in her breath audibly when the door to the kitchen was opened and someone stepped in. Rinoa couldn't hear anything but her own heart for the next couple of seconds until Mrs. Dincht's voice broke the silence.

"Squall," she said. "Good morning! Breakfast isn't quite ready yet." Then she turned to Rinoa, giving her a wink. With dread, Rinoa realized that it was the kind of wink girls gave each other when one of them happened to run across their crush, the kind of wink that was done when people were convinced they were doing something semi-naughty and being absolutely delighted by it. "Rinoa," she said sweetly. "Thank you for helping me, but I think I can manage the rest by myself. Why don't you join Squall at the breakfast table while you wait? I'm sure you have a lot to... _discuss_."

Even while the urge to pick up the frying pan and throw its content right into that girlishly smiling face was fighting against better reason, Rinoa felt herself nodding. After all, what could she possibly say to that? Turning around, she avoided Squall's gaze as she pushed past him and plopped down unceremoniously onto a chair. She studied her nails while she saw Squall sitting down opposite her and for perhaps the first time in her life, she found herself feeling glad that Squall was the asocial bastard who'd rather eat cockroaches than talk to her that he was. Unfortunately, Squall chose right this morning to break his usual pattern of asocial stupor.

"You look tired. Are you all right?" she heard him ask.

She whipped her head up to look at him, surprised. Was he... _worried_ about her? When he noticed her look, she saw a dismayed look slither across his face, saw him writhe uncomfortably under her gaze.

"I'm fine," she said. "Just didn't sleep well, is all."

"That's good," he said. The conversation seemed finished and he reached for a newspaper, but Rinoa's interest was piqued.

"Why?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Receiving a blank look, she elaborated, "why did you ask if I was feeling all right? You never asked me this before."

Squall gave her a nonplussed look, but Rinoa could tell he was fighting with what he was going to say. Rinoa enjoyed every second it took for the stoic man to come up with an appropriate response, but when he finally did, it wasn't the one she'd been hoping for. "Today is important," he said matter-of-factly. "You have to fight well today."

Oh, sure. The whole fighting thing.

Disappointed, Rinoa let herself fall back into the chair, crossing her arms before her chest. "Fight, of course." Then, she mumbled to herself, "why did you bring me onto this mission anyway, I can't fight."

Squall looked up and Rinoa's eyes widened, realizing he must have heard her mumbling. Just as she was about to brush off what she had said, Squall said something she'd never forget because it was quite possibly the first hint of friendliness he'd _ever_ shown her.

"You're not bad. At fighting," he said. Although his face remained stoic, his voice was devoid of malice or sarcasm and no matter how much she searched his pretty face, traits of mockery always managed to dodge her eyes. Rinoa looked at him, at a loss of what to say - thankfully, the silence was interrupted but less thankfully, it was interrupted by the one person Rinoa wanted to see the very least right then and there.

Zell came into the room and as soon as Rinoa's eyes fell onto him, she averted her gaze. Memories were tickling at the border of her consciousness, begging to be allowed entrance – but Rinoa pushed them away with one angry mental sweep, wishing for nothing more but the earth to open up and swallow her. Zell's presence felt almost physical and when he tentatively sat down next to Squall and muttered "good morning", Rinoa, her heart constricting, knew that she could no longer avoid him.

"Good morning," she answered bluntly, her eyes quickly trailing to the kitchen, wondering if it would look suspicious to Squall if she got up and went to offer her help to Mrs. Dincht once more, but it was right then and there that Mrs. Dincht emerged from the kitchen carrying their breakfast and even that possibility was snatched right out of the girl's grasping hands.

"Good to see you up, boy," Ma Dincht greeted. "You look kind of pale... are you okay?" Her voice was filled with motherly concern and genuine love. Rinoa felt contempt.

"I'm...fine," Zell answered. Rinoa's eyes only very fleetingly trailed across the martial artist's face, but even with one sweeping look she could assess that he was lying. Doubtlessly, Ma Dincht, who knew him even better than she did (and ever _would_) was aware of the lie as well, but she decided to let it go as she put the fried eggs and toast onto the breakfast table and a plate in front of each of the teenagers. She then proceeded to sit down next to Rinoa, who, letting her eyes slide from Squall to Zell and back to Squall again, couldn't decide who she wanted to talk to less.

So, she did the one thing she could do that didn't involve interacting with anyone: eating.

Munching away in complete silence, Rinoa pretended to enjoy the food, even as every taste the food may have had was sallied by the stench of memory.

--

Rinoa felt a faint smile creep up her face as she pushed open the doors to the Balamb Garden library. Out of all the places in Garden (except for maybe, perhaps, Squall's room), the library was her undeniable favourite, and as the familiar scent of paper and coffee filled her nostrils, she sighed, feeling the first blossoms of bliss rearing their heads inside her. Blossoms that had for so long been buried under the snow of worry.

She greeted the pig-tailed library girl with a sunny smile, then proceeded to step into the warmth of the library.

It had been two weeks since they had completed their mission in Balamb Town. Two weeks had passed since that night they had stayed at Zell's house. Exactly two weeks since that fateful – well, less fateful than it had very simply been _drunken_, she supposed – night in Zell's room, where the very events had unfolded that to this day would randomly creep up on her like a drunken stalker on his prey.

She shook her head, hard enough for her raven hair to whip her face as she proceeded into the library. No, not today, she told herself. Hadn't she come to the library exactly so she wouldn't have to chew those issues all over again? Hadn't she come here for a moment to herself, to cherish the lonesome, yet exquisitely intimate experience of being swallowed whole by an intriguing book?

Pushing all negative thoughts out of her head and ignoring the pounding with which they tried to pry her mind open, she started browsing the books. Reading the first page of one book and studying the cover of another, unable to decide on any one book to commit to, she continued to wander.

She loved the Balamb Garden library, she really did. It was large, yet, presumably due to the fact that the students at Garden were on a short vacation and no classes were being conducted, usually deserted. Rinoa loved it – the lack of other students left all the books and the knowledge, feelings and wisdom they contained for her alone to treasure.

Penetrating the bowels of the library deeper, Rinoa was just about to turn a corner to access the non-fiction books that were assorted in a cozy niche when she heard a yelp, followed by rustling and shuffling of paper. Rinoa raised her eyebrows, quickly poked her head around the corner – and froze.

"Zell?!" she asked.

Saying that Rinoa had dreaded the day she would eventually have to talk to Zell again would be a blatant understatement. Rather, it would be far more appropriate to say she was terrified of the day she would have to stop acting like Zell didn't exist and would have to try to resume building the fragile skeleton of a friendship-to-be they had been working on before that night had pulverized it. Because that she would eventually have to acknowledge the blonde martial artist again, she knew – while Squall wasn't the most social person in the world, even he had eyes, and Rinoa was quite sure that a certain female blonde would be quite happy to fill in the blanks for the observationally challenged brunette.

She could just picture it, how it would all end up if she didn't somehow make things right with Zell and return to the way they were before the whole mess happened. Squall standing there, arms crossed over his chest, his cold, emotionless eyes trained on her like twin guns.

"_Rinoa, did you sleep with Zell?"_

"_Uh... oh... what? No.. why... uh... uhhhh...**kinda**?"_

"_Why?"_

"_'Cause he was... **there**?"_

Oh my. Slut alarm. Slut alarm.

While she had always known that the confrontation was but a matter of time, she had been living in fear of it and if the sight in front of her right there at the library hadn't been so completely ridiculous, Rinoa's reaction would likely have been a lot more hostile. Every dread, every horror she had previously felt at the mere thought of talking to the athlete again evaporated as she took in the sight of Zell crouching on the floor, a book with the huge letters _Principles of Gynecology and Female Anatomy _sprawled across the thick cover a mere inch away from his wrinkled nose, so desperately trying to pretend he was reading that his face was a parody of concentration, complete with wrinkled forehead and drooping tongue. At the sound of her voice, his body jerked. When their eyes met, his jaw dropped.

"Zell?" she asked again, staring at the crouching boy to her feet. "What in the name of all that is holy are you doing on the floor _pretending_ to read a book on _gynecology _of all things?"

"Gyne... what?" Zell repeated dumbly. "What? No, I'm not!" Panicked, he checked the book in his hands, and dropped it with a yelp as he confirmed its nature. "Oh, man."

Rinoa crossed her arms over her breasts, wrinkling her nose as she regarded the man out of contemplative eyes. An idea coming to her, her eyes slid over to the pig-tailed girl working at the library, catching the girl staring at her with the darkness of jealousy and hostility drawn all across her pretty features. Noticing Rinoa's gaze, she rapidly jerked her head into the other direction and started to busy her hands on the desk, her cheeks blushing a furious red.

Oh. So that's how it was.

"Zell," Rinoa started, her eyes returning to the blonde in front of her, "don't tell me you've been lurking around the library trying gather the courage to go over and talk to that girl?"

"What?" Zell sputtered, finally getting up from his position on the floor, erecting himself to his petite height. "Why would I do that? I mean, that's like.. that's like.. a stalker! And I'm definitely not one of those psychos, nah-uh! Really, I'm not! I mean, why would I ever be to shy to talk to Noeul?"

"Well, let me tell you that you don't have to do this to get her," Rinoa said, a small smile spreading over her face. "She likes you, you know."

"She does!?" Zell exclaimed, his eyes so round and excited that Rinoa couldn't help but laugh. Throughout all this time of regret and worry, she had almost forgotten what it had been that had attracted her to him in the first place. Zell in front of her was brimming with his unmatched youthful energy, so innocent in its very essence. Rinoa's face became more serious at the memory and she stepped into the niche were Zell was standing, vanishing from the sight of the jealous library girl – _Noeul_, Rinoa remembered Zell telling her - who would hopefully never find out that she had taken the virginity of the boy she liked.

While she had dreaded the moment of meeting Zell so much, actually standing in front of him and looking into his blue, blue eyes proved to be a lot less scary than she had imagined it would. It was true that a certain fear was starting to worm its way into her stomach, but she tried her best to ignore it, to let that voice of reason inside her that had so shamelessly abandoned her once before take the upper hand.

"She does," Rinoa said softly, looking into Zell's eyes. "And judging from.. _all this._.. so do you."

The blonde boy said nothing. An emotion that Rinoa immediately identified as guilt slithered across his face, forced open his mouth and was about to spill out an apology just as Rinoa said, "don't. Don't say you're sorry." She paused, then added, softly, "I've been meaning to talk to you. I've been scared shitless of it, but I still knew it had to be done. Let's talk, Zell. Don't worry... she's out of earshot."

The martial artist started to study his sneakers like a child, and Rinoa sighed, sitting down at the little coffee table placed a few feet away from where they were standing, motioning for Zell to join her. He did, bringing a cloud of embarrassment with him that hung itself over the two people's heads like a heavy curtain, muffling the voices of reason inside Rinoa's head. To her surprise, it was Zell who spoke – well, rather _whispered_ – first.

"I knew that you were scared of talking to me. You avoided me. You haven't talked to me once since we came back from Balamb Town. Nothing. Not even "hello." Absolutely zilch, nada."

_And is that any surprise?_ she mentally spat. Outwardly, she remained silent.

"But I guess... so did I. Avoid you, that is." He paused. "I know you told me not to say sorry, but I just wanted to say, about... that... you know...it... that... about _**that**_ -"

"I get it!" Rinoa said.

"Um, I just wanted to tell you I... understand. That you like Squall, that it didn't mean anything to you, that I was just... there. I get it, you know. I'm not going to expect anything, demand anything from you for it. I won't tell anyone. I know you don't want me to. And to be honest with you... although I thought I'd be so happy and excited I'd want to run an ad in the newspaper announcing that I, _clumsy_ Zell Dincht, finally lost my virginity... I no longer really want you to tell anyone, either."

During Zell's speech, Rinoa's eyes had crept up from the spot on the floor she had been flexing her eyes upon, had slowly travelled up the length of his body until her eyes had involuntarily plunged themselves into the vibrant dizziness of his. What she had seen there, written in eloquent language, had been real concern. The sincerity with which he presented it found support in his upright posture and body language.

_Ridiculous_, Rinoa thought. Ridiculous how fast the atmosphere could change, how fast this _guy _could change – only a few minutes ago, he had been crouching on the floor trying to act like he hadn't been spying on his crush and now he was acting a whole lot more maturely than she was.

Rinoa cleared her throat. "I'm glad...glad you understand," she said. "To be honest, I was very scared of how things would turn out. I was scared of you... of _Squall_..."

Zell looked at her, still with that seriousness that Rinoa could not help but admire. "I think you are not completely serious about Squall."

"What?" Rinoa asked, irritated. "Please don't talk about things you don't know about. You know I like Squall."

"I know you like him," he answered. "I know you do. But the thing is, you aren't focused enough on him, you don't want him badly enough. You don't really think he's going to fall for you. I think that night was proof of that."

Rinoa said nothing, letting it sink in.

"You know," Zell continued, scratching the back of his head, lost in thought, "I don't know Squall that well or anything, but seriously. You have a special aura about you, a special... _radiance_, I suppose, strong enough to make a windowsill sag like caramel. I mean, what I mean is, you are charming, and I know that Squall is an ass and all -"

"A _real_ ass," Rinoa added.

"- but he's still a guy, so I think he may not be _completely_ different from me? What I mean is, maybe if you really commit yourself to getting him, then maybe you _can_. Maybe you really can get him. Focus... know what I mean? Gather your confidence and believe or something?"

"So what you're essentially telling me is to flush my pride down the toilet and to stalk him like you're stalking library girl?" She had intended it as nothing but a light joke, but to her dismay it came out a lot harsher than she had intended.

Zell started to look lost, so he shook his head like a wet puppy. "Never mind. What do I know? I was just thinking..."

"No," Rinoa said quickly. "No... thank you. I was kidding. I appreciate it. Really. Thank you."

Zell broke into his charming, boyish smile. "No prob!"

As soon as the friendly smile that had softened the harsh edges of memories between them had vanished, the comfortable atmosphere ran off right along with it. Plunged into deafening silence once again, they were left with nothing to do other than trail each other's bodies with their eyes and fighting the memories that were trying to sneak their way back into their consciousness. The memories of each other's tastes, each other's sweat and other juices hang inside the room like a phantom, just about ready to jump and obsess them, reaching out its ghostly fingers for them. Shifting in her seat, it was Rinoa who broke the silence first.

"It's so awkward," she started, quietly. "Looking at you, that is."

"That's what I've been wanting to talk to you about," Zell said, a look of shame and sadness on his face. "I know that you want to be friends with me. You _need_ to be friends with me, to pretend like nothing ever happened. But I don't know about girls, but for me, and I think for men in general, it's not so easy...I mean..." he trailed off.

"Go on," Rinoa encouraged him, although she was dreading what he would say next.

He looked up to meet her gaze, his eyes an impossibly clear blue. "It's hard for me to think of you as a friend because of.. what happened. It's -"

"Just call it by its name," Rinoa interrupted him. "_We had sex._"

Zell flinched. "I suppose... we...had...that. Sex."

"Go on."

"So, what was I saying? Oh yeah. I don't know what you feel, but for me, it's hard to think of you as a friend after we... had sex." He paused. "I mean, it's not like I _like_ you or anything... I mean.. Oh no...I'm sorry... no offense...!"

"None taken."

"I mean it's not like I want you to be my girlfriend, it's just that whenever I look at you... I remember. And the memories... they push me away. And that makes it hard for me to be comfortable around you."

Rinoa closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. "I know what you mean. I feel the same way. Isn't it strange how sex is like that? How it is the act of creation, yet it has the power of destruction? How it can drive people apart just as much as it can bind them together?" Rinoa, realizing how emotional she had started to sound, trailed off, embarrassedly flexing her eyes upon her hands buried in her lap, silently wishing that Zell hadn't noticed.

That wish wasn't granted to her.

"Was that what happened with you and Seifer?" Zell blurted out.

Rinoa, although deeply embarrassed, raised one eyebrow. "Look what happened. I sleep with you and you assume I'm a slut."

"What?" Zell breathed. "No! No, no, no, no, where did I say that?"

"You assume I slept with Seifer," Rinoa said, making a mock-insulted face. "You probably think I sleep with every male who isn't on the trees by the count of three. Tsk. That's what I get for having been attracted to your cute butt."

"What? Rinoa, no! I didn't mean -" Zell sputtered, looking on the verge of panic. Suddenly, his face lightened up. "Wait, did you just say I had a cute... _what_?"

She giggled, waving one hand dismissively at the excited blonde, who she could hear making half-skeptical, half-disappointed noises. When Rinoa had composed herself, she leaned forward in the chair, her features hardening once more as seriousness returned. "Thanks," she said with meaning. "Thanks for understanding. I also understand that we can't go back to the way things were within a few days. I know that it will take time, but as long as we try to be comfortable around each other... eventually, I think we can find it again. That zone of comfort we had." She smiled faintly. "And focus on our respective crushes, I suppose."

Zell reciprocated her smile, and Rinoa felt the weight of all her worries being lifted off of her. It felt like she landed on the hard concrete after floating a foot over the ground with what Zell said next.

"But hey, I've been thinking." He wrinkled his nose and pursed his lips in distaste. "If I fucked you but Seifer fucked you first... ew, am I in any way connected to Seifer?"

"What?!"Rinoa spat, eyes widening.

"I mean," Zell continued, lost in thought, "does that mean Seifer and I are like bros or something? Only I'm the inferior one because I was second? Hey, that can't happen! I can't let that bully get the best of me, leave the sloppy seconds for me! I – ouch!"

Rinoa had lightly punched his forehead. "Who bashed in your head, you idiot?" she demanded, but the first hints of amusement were already starting to sneak their way into her voice. "Sloppy _whats?_"

Zell looked at her defiantly, rubbing his forehead. "I was just thinking... me and Seifer... definitely cannot happen, you know? I mean, I've heard of those guys who trade girls, they call each other _semen brothers_, you know? And I mean... me and Seifer? Absolutely not! Gah! Ugh! Oh man..."

That's when the black-haired girl couldn't take it anymore. Letting herself flop back into the chair, she threw her head back and laughed, the clear sound of her laughter filling the empty library, surely also making its way down to the pig-tailed girl, even stimulating Zell to join in. Together, they laughed, and afterwards, neither could have told you for how long they had been sharing this moment for, for how long they had sat there, dissolving their fears and worries to re-shape them into the bliss of laughter. Cleansed of fear and anxiety for the moment, they looked at each other after they had composed themselves, searching each other's sweaty faces, each other's glowing eyes, reading the knowledge that they wouldn't let themselves be torn apart by memories on each other's faces.

Rinoa sighed contently, a smile softly playing around the edges of her lips. Yes, it would take time, and not just a little of it. And maybe, just maybe, the memory would always remain.

But maybe, they would be able to turn that memory into a pleasant one. Would joke about it in a year's time or two or three; would stop regretting and derive the images of all their destructive and divisive power. Rinoa, right then and there, was sure that they could.

"Hey, Zell," she said, smiling, "let's go to the caferia. I'm buying."

-** fin**


End file.
